Liberate Your Story Podcast

Most of us would like to say we are authentic in our relationships and interactions with others. But…the reality is that most of us hold back sacred parts of ourselves to avoid what we expect will be negative reactions, like rejection or misunderstanding.

Why we do this is pretty easy to understand and even empathize with. How we overcome it is truly the secret to living a thriving life.

We have predetermined influences throughout our lives that embed, or hardwire, ideology into our social and coping skills.
We learn who we are allowed to be without engaging in the experience of rejection. We learn morally through faith systems (culture and beliefs) what is acceptable to remain “in” or “holy”.

These are powerful forces in our minds, aren’t they?
But what if you could untangle yourself from the presupposed hardwiring and have the confidence to be you without care of the repercussion? Would you want that? Would you do it?

It’s hard to talk about authenticity without talking about identity. It’s hard to talk about identity without talking about our worldview.
And it's hard to talk about our worldview without talking about our programming.
So do you see how easy it is to come back to programming in nearly every area of our life?
So what programming do we experience that affects our ability to be authentic in our relationships?

Do you remember as a child how you were modeled social acceptance?
It usually came in the form of conformity. Imagine for a moment being in your PreSchool or Kindergarten classroom on the first day of school. The teacher likely went through introductions (modeling how we learn names and the first steps of building relationships with people you don’t know).

We are also taught how to categorize ourselves in the world.
Girls in one line, boys in another.
Now, I will say that the world is evolving in this area. We are opening the doors to making gender a moot point in classification, such as bathrooms and check boxes on applications, etc. But we still “identify” ourselves in a category.
This alone is a complex and evolving conversation. It’s not the exact conversation I want to have today but it does bring up a good point to our authenticity.

There are some areas in life where we are expected to identify as “this or that”. We are given a limited number of options as to what identities we CAN choose.
And more and more, humans are working to expand the choices we have in this.
I think it's a clear sign that we are tired of being told what we SHOULD identify as. We are wanting more and more autonomy to feel good and right in our skin.

Expanding and stretching are necessary parts of self-discovery.
For some of us, we will push the boundaries of our self-understanding beyond anything that looks like where we started at.
Others of us will expand and circle right back around to that starting point.
BOTH of these are GOOD! If expansion was about a destination then we are likely missing the point a bit.

Here’s how I look at my own self-discovery.

If I knew where I wanted to take myself, where I wanted to land, then I am traveling from point A to point B.
It’s a goal with a clearly defined expectation. It's a destination.
Sometimes this is exactly what is needed.
For instance, I want to learn a skill and I want a certain certification at the end of that learning. I can absolutely discover many things about myself along the way, but the goal isn’t necessarily self-discovery. It’s the acquired skill set.

If I want to discover myself for the sake of discovery, then the destination isn’t what drives me. The driver is actually the opportunities that will challenge and extend who I currently am.
I may not know where I will land or if I will land.
I’m interested in what will change me.

Self-discovery is likely initiated by some type of discomfort about who I am or how my life is being lived at the current moment.
I might now “feel like me” or like “I’m not in flow with myself” or that “I don’t feel like I can be myself”.

So if I start a self-discovery journey for the purpose of living an authentic and genuine life, where do I begin?

We begin with what matters to you.
You will have to step back from what you’ve been programmed to believe SHOULD matter to you and find what ACTUALLY matters to you.

These are usually found in those small moments of discomfort.
Something gets said in a group or family setting that you find yourself sort of cocking your head and feeling that “huh…I gotta think about that one” or “ you stay a bit more quiet… because what you actually WANT to say in that moment isn’t what you CAN say in that moment.

You find yourself suddenly feeling like you are on the “out” of the opinion or experience.
You might even feel alone or odd.

This isn’t an easy journey, but it is a rewarding one. Consider those relationships or situations where you feel most aligned with yourself.
You feel the energy flow through you that says YES in your body, your soul and your mind. You feel seen and you feel free to see others.
This is authenticity. This is alignment.

For some of us, the identity of who we HAVE been will need to adjust or even change in order to live authentically. For me, I had to drop labels and associations that had so deeply and clearly been a part of my self-navigation and social integration.

I see this process or evolution in stages.

Stage 1: Identify yourself.
This is the height depth, width and volume of who you are, who you want to live into.
There are real processes in the stage with real outcomes. I
t’s curiosity filled with aha moments and genuine love for yourself. It involves acceptance, forgiveness, and peace. It’s the permission to see your whole being as you want to be seen.

Stage 2: Let go.
Some parts of you and how you lived were in place because it's how you were taught to navigate yourself in this big broad world.
It may have been good for a time, but now it's okay to move forward without it.
Letting go means we can take off the hat we wore that we just don’t like anymore or just feels very uncomfortable to wear.
But after the process of self-discovery, you will know what can be left as part of what got you here today. You get to open up room for what you take with you in the future.

Stage 3: Grieve and Celebrate.
This is an easy stage to skip. Self-discovery creates a new energy about who we are and momentum about moving forward.
I will caution you, though, that skipping the grieving step creates an internal frustration, even anger, that you carry forward with you.
Missing this step, means we are not giving ourselves permission to move forward. Grieving is letting something stay behind.
Celebration though is saying that the something we left behind allowed us to be who we needed to be to get to this moment.
It’s honoring how we got here…the good, the bad, the comfortable, the uncomfortable, the pain, and the joy.
It’s saying it had a purpose for who we are and who we will be in the future.
I actually love this step because it can be very ceremonious and we can create a point in our timeline that our being can reflect on. We can return to the ceremony we had at this stage as our reason, our why, for living authentically in the future.

Stage 4: Choosing Me.
This is the ongoing experience of staying connected with your truth.
You are not fixed on anything in this stage but you are daily giving yourself permission to choose who you are and how you want to navigate the world.
Remember, you are not landing on anything.
You are experiencing yourself in real-time, with real choices and real expanding possibilities.
If you need to change the rules, you get to choose that!
You are not a fixed being.
You are energy in motion with the autonomy to choose who you are.
You are writing the story today that you want to live.
And if you need a new chapter tomorrow then you get to start that new chapter too.

Living in conflict with yourself, your identity, your humanity is the biggest life suck you can experience.
You see, we will always find conflict with other humans in our journey.
We weren’t meant to be the same as each other. And we have tools to help us manage those moments.
But to be in conflict with yourself, well, that's where the self-doubt lives. You will rob yourself of joy, confidence, peace, and flow.
You will learn a path to “fixing yourself” instead of “discovering yourself”.

I think it is in this authentic living that we find what is actually possible in being a human.
I think it’s the secret to joy and thriving.
It’s living at its most pure level.
It’s your soul being actualized.
It’s the space where self-confidence and self-awareness coexist.
It’s your story being read by the world exactly how you want it to be.

Liberate your identity and you liberate your story.

If you would like support in a journey of self-discovery and authentic living, I’m here for it.
I will take you through all four of these stages to help you live a story you want to be living.
As a life coach, I will guide you through the processes so that every area of your life is lived to its fullest potential.

I will warn you though…the possibilities are limitless. Freedom from a programmed life is a life lived on your terms. It’s absolute liberation.
So…What story would you live?

Find out more about working with me at liberateyourstory.com.